Priyanka Soman*
Over the past six years, I’ve had the joy (and occasional experience of chaos) of working closely with middle school students. It’s a rollercoaster phase in their lives—packed with changes, emotions, and moments of self-discovery. It is also one of the most fascinating chapters in these children’s development. I often find myself reflecting on how much relationships shape the growth and self-confidence of children. Children have an inherent need to feel connected. Adults, therefore, need to ensure that the relationships they form are healthy and authentic. When I first started teaching, I knew that relationships mattered—but I had no idea where to begin in building these connections. In this short article I would like to share my journey of learning what healthy relationships might mean to middle schoolers and how adults can support them through this somewhat stormy but crucial stage.
In those early days at school, I made a deliberate effort to be approachable and open. I wanted my students to feel comfortable sharing their problems with me, whether it was about missing homework or losing a pen. I relied on small but meaningful actions like smiling, making eye contact, and just listening. I still remember one piece of advice from a more experienced teacher: ‘Give your full attention when a student speaks. Even if it’s about a pencil sharpener, be empathetic and understanding.’ Her words stuck. I quickly learned that body language speaks louder than words, and fairness is all with middle schoolers. Treating each child with respect, regardless of their behaviour, became my mantra. But this is easier said than done— especially on a day when a student decided that launching paper planes mid-lesson was a legitimate science experiment!
Then there was the name game. Oh, the struggle! I’ve never been great with remembering names, but I knew that learning their names was crucial. I came up with all sorts of mental tricks—rhyming, visual cues, and once, even a song. It helped build bonds and gave me acceptance in the classroom. After all, there’s nothing like looking at a student and confidently calling out his name…only to hear, ‘Akka, that’s not me.’ Awkward, but memorable.
As the years rolled by, I made it a point to learn about my students’ interests during individual conversations. I found out who played football, who doodled in their notebooks, and who had memorized every Harry Potter spell. These little details became conversation starters and trust builders. I also started using group activities to encourage teamwork. Walking around during these sessions often gave me glimpses into their work. Once, I overheard a heated debate about whether Messi could beat up Ronaldo. It became so intense that I had to almost host a courtroom-style debate just to settle it.
Storytelling uncovered one of my hidden talents. I shared funny anecdotes about my dog, my car, and even my daughter. These stories turned lessons into conversations and made the classroom feel more like a cosy chitchat than a rigid lecture. Once, I told them how my little daughter chewed up my middle school science lesson plan book. One student, very earnestly, asked if I’d tried positive reinforcement to shape her behaviour. Apparently, I was being out-teachered by a twelve-year-old!
Setting boundaries was crucial too. I introduced classroom norms early on and reinforced them often. I also modelled the behaviours I wanted them to adopt, for instance demonstrating how to share classroom supplies like crayons, ruler and sharpeners without sparking a fight. But I quickly discovered that my ‘serious teacher face’ was no match for their innocent eyes when asking for extra free time. They could probably teach any adult negotiation skills very effectively. Boundaries weren’t just about classroom norms, though. They were also about helping students reflect on their relationships. During circle time, we tackled questions like: What happens if I don’t stand up for myself? How does it affect me when I let people talk to me however they want? How do you handle it when one friend is angry at another? Do you take sides? Such discussions brought out surprising insights and more than a few laugh-out-loud moments. One student confidently declared, ‘If your friend is angry, tell Akka and call the person to your lunch table. Food fixes everything.’ Honestly, this is not bad advice.
Perhaps the biggest lesson I learned through all this is that we adults don’t need to have all the answers. Middle school relationships are unpredictable. The best we can do is keep listening, ask questions, and grow alongside them. I remind my students (and myself) that sustaining relationships often means hard work, but it is worth doing. After all, the connections we build today shapes who we become tomorrow—whether we are twelve or thirty-seven.
* Priyanka teaches in the middle school at The School, KFI. She can be reached at cspriyankaa@gmail.com